impromptu suicide

i almost killed myself tonight—

i’m almost certain that i was born
with too much happiness
too much love
(and thenthenthen with More comes more sorrow;
must i really face tomorrow?)

i always knew i had to leave this place far behind and away-

i drove for hours,
decided i’d drive off of an overpass
or hang myself

i didn’t know,
i didn’t know i’d given so much of myself
to a world that already had its hands full—

other worlds have called to me since childhood,
and that is why my soul cries so melancholic
all the time—

i fantasize, i know,
that my loneliness will be felt everywhere
once i go—

sometimes i scream at the sky
earlyearly in the morning
when nobody can hear me,
the sound of me dying

i want to do it so completely
cos i know finally they would all see me
could die, themselves, within my poetry—

i’ll just always be fucked in the head,
fed by insanity, i know,

and one day i am afraid
i will kill me

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