romantic decanting unwillfully

there’s a lesion in my brain
(only you are to blame)
i’m so stupidfoolish, i guess
for becoming a manic mess
de-saned and impressed
but i can’t even pretend to resist
anxiously my stomach sinking ;; familiarly
but different – what is this in me?
i feel so alive
and pried open
inspired by your eyes

urge my body to ignore it
but un-deniably
must admit
you’re music in my head
and i’m so scared
cos i’m already dead
and it’s only just started
eagerly your friend
(too-soon-already swallowing things i could have said)
(chivalrous attempts not to think of you in my bed)
dreaming in a secret drift
writing allday frantically with a closed fist
but – i conclude – there are no words for this
are frighteningly
insidely-perfect, and
then i saw some world around close-by
that somehow, before, i’d missed;;
feel soft in my bones at night
easy happiness – comfort for wistful kids
fuck sleep – let’s smoke cigs

don’t know, don’t know
feel cryptically young, shy, and embarrassed
as though i’ve never been kissed
i’ve already said too much
self-control too-soonly worn//
my whole self is in a vibrational rush
body leaving me far below
can’t touch – can’t touch//
delightful un-reality being born
i can’t find any right words, but i can’t shut up//
you gave poetry to me
like the conclusiveness
of a needle on a record whispering

-fuck, i feel grandly insane-
-strong impulse to fly away alone
behind the stars in space
to hide my tired face-

(oh well,
what’s the gain in pretending anymore?)
may as well say it – but i don’t know what for:


if you were rain
and i were the earth
i imagine i’d feel this same kind of thirst

goodnight, and good morning too: do your worst to me,
i hope you do

hope you aren’t scared of the virus in my brain
that you’ve lain – you don’t have to stay
(breathing to lose, willful to gain)
i’m just plighted//delighted to meet you
and the music, the colors you make

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